Jogjakarta: Bagian Hidup Saya

Jogjakarta: Bagian Hidup Saya

Jika seseorang bertanya pada saya tentang hal apa yang paling berkesan dalam hidup saya, saya akan menjawab: “Perjalanan saya pertama kali ke Jogja.” Mengapa? Karena di situ saya pertama kali merasakan bagaimana rasa takjub pada suatu tempat dan pada cerita dibalik tempat tersebut. Saya merasakan hal yang tak biasa yang sebelumnya belum pernah saya rasakan di tempat-tempat lain. Jogjakarta meninggalkan sebuah kesan yang mendalam bagi seorang anak perempuan yang selalu ingin tahu.

2013. Saya adalah seorang anak perempuan yang berumur 13 tahun. Telah merencanakan sebuah perjalanan liburan dengan keluarganya yang awalnya hanya sekedar jalan-jalan biasa. Kali ini, kami memutuskan untuk pergi ke Jogjakarta. “Ayah! Bunda! Aku pengen ke Kraton. Aku pengen liat aslinya gimana!” Itulah motivasi awal saya untuk menginjakkan kaki di Jogjakarta. Sebagai seorang pecinta sejarah kerajaan yang mempelajari sendiri apa yang harus dipelajarinya, saya merasa ketertarikan saya tidak terpenuhi jika saya tidak mencari tau lebih dalam mengenai Kraton Jogjakarta, keluarga yang berada di dalamnya dan kota Jogjakarta itu sendiri.

Kami sekeluarga pergi ke Kraton didampingi seorang tour guide. Saya menyimak apa saja yang beliau jelaskan dan ketika itu saya merasa seperti seseorang yang baru saja menemukan sesuatu yang baru, yang belum pernah dirasakan sebelumnya. Ketertarikan saya dengan dunia kerajaan, monarki dan aristokrasi membentuk saya untuk menghargai sejarah dan seluruh detil informasi yang bisa saya dapatkan saat ini. Ketika saya menginjakkan kaki di Kraton, perasaan itu muncul. Perasaan untuk menghargai dan melindungi sebuah aset sejarah berharga yang bisa dibilang sentimental untuk saya.

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Saya (kedua dari kanan) dan keluarga di Kraton Jogjakarta. ©Kya Hill / 2013.

Kraton adalah salah satu contoh yang memperlihatkan betapa kayanya Jogja dengan nilai sejarah yang kental yang sampai sekarang masih dipertahankan. Sebagai bagian dari generasi muda, saya sangat bersyukur karena kita masih mempunyai Jogja. Masih mempunyai sebuah daerah istimewa yang penuh dengan cerita. Sebuah daerah yang membuat saya merasa menjadi Jogja, menjadi Indonesia. Ketika saya menginjakkan kaki di dalamnya, saya merasa seperti ada di rumah kedua saya. Saya merasa seperti berada di tempat yang seharusnya saya berada.

Dari hobi dan ketertarikan saya pada dunia kerajaan, monarki dan aristokrasi, saya mendapat banyak teman dari luar negeri yang mempunyai ketertarikan yang sama. Kami bertukar wawasan, berdiskusi dan menyampaikan informasi-informasi penting seputar topik favorit kami semua. Saya selalu dengan bangga mempromosikan sebuah Kesultanan yang unik di sebuah Daerah Istimewa. Saya menjelaskan semua secara detil berdasarkan hal-hal yang saya ketahui. Tak jarang, banyak teman bule yang takjub dengan hal ini.

Mereka semua antusias, bertanya berbagai macam hal. Mulai dari protokol, istana, anggota kerajaan, apa kepentingan dari pakaian yang di pakai serta hal-hal lainnya. Saya akui, kadang saya membutuhkan bantuan pencarian informasi cepat di Google untuk kemudian saya ambil poin pentingnya dan dijelaskan lebih dalam lagi pada teman-teman saya yang rata-rata berasal dari Eropa yang sudah tidak asing lagi dengan sebuah monarki atau kerajaan. Saya bangga bisa mempunyai ‘bahan pamer’ sendiri. Mereka punya London, yang lain punya Copenhagen, tak mau kalah yang lainnya punya Stockholm. Saya punya Jogjakarta.

Jogjakarta dengan segala keistimewaannya, dengan segala daya tariknya. Berhasil merebut hati saya dan menetapkannya di sana. Seperti yang orang-orang bilang, “I left my heart in Jogjakarta.” Saya meninggalkan sebagian diri saya di Jogjakarta. Kesan saya terhadap daerah yang istimewa ini akan selalu terkenang di dalam hidup saya sebagai sebuah pengalaman pertama saya, seorang anak perempuan yang ingin tahu yang akhirnya jatuh cinta.

Saya merasa, tidak ada daerah lain yang lebih unik, lebih istimewa, lebih kaya dan beragam serta lebih mengesankan dari Jogjakarta. Karena hingga saat ini, saya selalu ingin kembali lagi, lagi dan lagi. Saya ingin terbawa dengan suasananya yang seakan-akan mengundang saya untuk mencari tahu lebih dalam lagi, lebih jauh lagi dan terus menggali segala informasi yang bisa saya dapatkan.

Saya mencintai Jogjakarta dari awal saya menginjakkan kaki saya di sana. Saya mencintai Jogjakarta karena hanya di sana, saya merasakan ketakjuban yang luar biasa. Di sana saya mengerti arti dari menjaga, menghargai dan mencintai sejarah.

Jogjakarta adalah bagian hidup saya.

“Kota kita tidak memerlukan kata pujian yang berlebihan. Dia hanya perlu sentuhan kasih dari hati nurani kita.”

-Sri Sultan Hamengkubuwono X

Welcoming Eid!

Welcoming Eid!

Well, it’s almost the end of Ramadan! Which is bittersweet for most of us Muslims. The month truly is something else. But, that’s a different topic.

This is the second to last day of fasting during the Ramadan (Friday) which means, Sunday is Eid! Our holiday and celebration! It’s kinda like Christmas (it’s actually different but, in terms of celebrating, I guess the analogy could work. I just really don’t have time to explain).

On the day of Eid, we have our breakfast first because it is obligatory then we prepped up to go to the Masjid to perform Eid prayers. After that, my family usually got together (my grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousin) in my paternal grandparents’ house. We spend some time there (doing the traditional Indonesian ‘ceremony’ of sungkeman & have a feast) before heading back home to welcome guests from my mother’s side of the family because my maternal grandmother is now the oldest elderly person in the family. Oh, yeah, that’s another tradition in Indonesia. You get together in the house of the eldest person in your family (grandparents usually). We have another feast in my house for those bunch of fams.

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The fam during Eid last year (dad took the pic)

Then, there’s the food. My oh my, THE FOOD. It’s honestly the best thing besides socializing (gosh do we have enouuuughhh of that already in our livesss). My family has this tradition of making a traditional Manadonese/Sulawesi cake called Brudel. I love that cake so much man you have no idea. For me, Eid is not complete without that cake. Sure, Indonesians have this tradition of making Eid cookies and yeah they’re great too (I can single-handedly eat 20 of those) but, nothing beats Brudel. Nope, nada.

Usually, the first day of Eid ends with us feeling full because imagine getting used to fasting for a month then BOOM! All you can eat! We would also visit some relatives and went to the cemetery to visit my maternal grandfather’s grave sometime between the third to fifth day of the holiday because of tradition and why the heck not. I never met my maternal grandpa when he was alive cause he died before I was born so the only place I can ‘meet’ grandpa is at the cemetery. Sounds spooky but, I can feel his presence there whenever we visit.

Anyways, I’m writing this because I am just so excited about Eid. It is our celebration and Muslims all over the world celebrated on the same day! (or not because you know, timezonesss).

I hope you all have a blessed Eid, spend some proper time with your family and just soak up all the positive that’s gonna come your way.

Life’s too short. This year might be your last Ramadan.

Love always,

kkkkkk

March and April Life Updates: Major Things!

March and April Life Updates: Major Things!

I know, I know.. I haven’t posted my March recap in the form of A to Z. But, to be fair, I have been quite busy. So, I’m here to post an entry or recap of what happened in March and why am I so busy in April, I can’t even manage to post on my own goddamn blog (which, let’s be real, no one read this anyway).

My March recap consists of my mum’s birthday which was on March 24th. She hasn’t aged too much, to be honest with you. That’s amazing. Then comes Depeche Mode. March really marks the month I totally devout myself to dive into their discography. My friend, Kelli helped me by sending their entire albums to my Google Drive. This is one of those times I feel really blessed to be in a time where technology allows us to do that. Imagine if I have to buy every single album on CD now!? Crazy. My current favourites as of now are People Are People and Walking in My Shoes.

I also met up with my friends from middle school and it was super awesome!!! We hung out, we talked, we discuss our future and reminisce a little about the past. It’s fascinating to grow up surrounded by your closest friends. They are changing yet not changing at the same time. It wasn’t the complete formation of our so called gang but, it makes me happy nevertheless. To see familiar faces who went through struggles in middle school together. Who knew us very well.

KR!
Photobooth fun with the gang!

Not long after that, I met up with my all time favourite fangirling partner, Syifa Husna! We hung out and gossip like proper fangirls do. We share life updates and talk about our obsession in such a passionate way. We don’t even idolise the same people! She loves K-Pop, I’m all about U2. But, what I love is the fact that both of us just listened to each other and understood the feeling even though we are complete opposites! Friendships are weird sometimes. I love it.

Then, March also marked the lead up to my busy life with the German language. It was a bit of an anxiety, leading up to April. Because I didn’t know whether I would get through with this German thing (I will tell you a bit more about it later on in this post, stay tune). I kept asking myself and my parents about the possibility of the German thing really happening. Then, of course… we got the answer by the end of the month.

Some historic thing happened in March too. The official triggering of Article 50 for Brexit happened on the 29th. Needless to say, the world was shook af, mate. A lot of people still can’t believe that Brexit is really happening. Mostly Europeans but, I kinda feel that way too, to be honest, and I don’t even know why, ha.

Of course, came April. Everything seems very clear in April. I start my German language course. Why? because I can very well do so, bitches.  No, I mean, I may have a plan on going to Germany for college. Oh yep, my dream to get out of Asia seems like it’s gonna happen, yanno, no biggie. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Shut the hell up! Of course, it’s a big deal for me!

I still wanna make it a bit low-key though. I don’t wanna go all hyped up about it even though I am super excited. I have always dreamed of changing my life drastically, to go away and see places, to get out of this continent and move to somewhere really different. I use to dream of going to England (who doesn’t tbh?). But, for the last year I just feel like it’s unrealistic and being the ambitious and determined person I am, I just have to get what I want, so I searched for ways and I kept searching for alternatives. The point is: I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE. It’s not even in a bad way, I just hate to stay the same. I want to change and I want it drastic. I want it to happen in ways I never thought I would imagine. And yep, God seems to be on my side and hear what I wished so, here I am. Never thought of Germany, ended up on queue to go there.

If you think this is something that I feel comfortable to do, you are wrong. I do this because it is uncomfortable. Why are you doing these things? You ask. Simple. I laid out all my answers above. Because comfort is dangerous. In my own philosophy, if you get too comfortable, you won’t dare to try, get out and discover endless possibilities life has to offer. I am very ‘rich’ here. I am rich in terms of how I have everything here with me. I have my family, I have my friends, I have people I can easily call upon and I just can do everything without having to bother the consequences (well, not necessarily as much).

Out there, alone, I have nothing but, myself. That kind of adventure is something I have been searching. People here might say that I might regret my decision of wanting to go independent so soon but, they miss the point. It’s good for the long term. I think it’s better for me to experience bitterness so early on then just living my life with nothing but sweetness. Then got caught up in this very unrealistic expectations on what life should be and could not be prepared.

Maybe, I am being dramatic or whatever. But, I have set some standards on how to live my life. I don’t want to stay in one place all my life. I want to get out and explore. I have stayed here in Indonesia for more than a decade and I am so bored. I love being an Indonesian, don’t get me wrong. But, I feel really tired and really bored of life. For me, I need a drastic change. Sure, it’s for college. I might get stressed out along the way. But, at least I did something! I took a leap of faith and just get on with it!

All these sounds so promising. I still have the anxiety inside me about things going absolutely wrong. But, prayers, man do prayers work. It really works for me. I don’t care if people think it’s stupid to pray. The power of prayers is just astonishing in my eyes. I just hope things go smoothly and I can go out of here peacefully. Hopefully, make myself and the people around me happy.

So, that is what’s been going on in my life and it will continue to get even busier. Especially with German! I am happy even though the German language grammar is a bit of a pain in the ass but, hey I am still at the earliest level.

So much is waiting for me.

So much.

kkkkkk

Bunda

Bunda

I had this on my notebook for a while now. This has been rewritten for countless of times. I hope it’s good enough.


This is about my undying love for a woman

Even though I might have broke her heart

I might have crushed them

I might have caused distraught

I hope I’m not much of an awful human being

 

 

Because I sincerely love her

I wrote this with heart and mind poured entirely

I am not the best thing to ever happen to anyone

But, I am glad that I happen to her

I am glad that I was destined to arrive on her hands

 

 

Bunda,

I am a being

Full of imperfections

But, you shaped and carved me

I don’t know why you were so determined

While you could have give up any moment

I guess that’s what made you special

 

 

This little flesh who grew into a living person

A very difficult one, that is

Has been blessed by your touch

Blessed by your care

And, my God will I ever be able to return it?

I don’t think there will come a day where

I can repay every single thing

 

 

Don’t give up on me

Don’t ever think you’re not good enough

When I cause mischief

You gave all you have, I’m just too stubborn

 

 

Sometimes being a perfect mother

Can be a little lonely

It seems like everyone around you

Turn their backs against you

While you and you alone knows best

About your own flesh

 

 

They try to stir you around

But, you refused

The amount of resistance you gave

When they try to change

Souls you have protected for years

Astonishing in my eyes

 

 

One day they will see

The things you fought relentlessly

Blossomed into something so perfectly

Their words meaningless entirely

 

 

I aspire to turn out being the woman you are

When my time has come

I know I’ll be clueless

But, I know that you’ll help me

So stay with me

We have a beautiful future ahead

 

A bond that no one

No one but, us shared

We are the only ones who understand

They try but, it’s not the same

Happy Birthday, Bunda. 

Kya’s A to Z: February

Continuing my newly founded blog post series. As I wrote it with Lorde followed by Lana del Rey singing in the background and occasionally checking Tumblr. Here it goes, the February edition of my A to Z!


  • A is for Aiming High

You all know that in this day and age, everything is possible. That’s why for the past month, I have been setting the bar high and aim for the highest possible thing I can achieve in pretty much anything. The process may not be fast enough for my liking but, time works in mysterious ways (no U2 pun intended).

  • B is for Birthday

Of course, February 2nd marks a particular day in my life. I became legal this year, according to Indonesian law. Still a kid tho. Still a kid. Pretty much still a kid.

  • C is for Chopped-off Hair

I cut my hair real short because I just feel like it but also, head over to letter ‘H’. I got my hairspiration from one of my friends online.

  • D is for Dreams

A sentence got stuck with me while I was on the road with my parents on a one fine day. We were in the car, talking about my future and all the likes. I expressed my concern regarding the matter and suddenly the sentence popped, “You’re allowed to dream as high as you can and make that happen.” Dad said that with a nod from mum. He’s got a point.

  • E is for Education

This month, for me seems to circle around the world of education. Not only because my brothers are gonna face the national examination which caused me to act as a proper sister by teaching them but, also because I need to start preparing for my own plans. Very nervewrecking.

  • F is for Facebook

I spend more and more time on it, somehow. Posted more there too. Chatted with one particular important person almost everyday when I can.

  • G is for Germany

The city of Mainz. That’s all I’m gonna say for now.

  • H is for Hair Loss

I’ve been suffering from a severe hair loss. It has not stopped. I don’t know when will it stop or how. Am I stressing out?

  • I is for Internal Motivation

Thank God, I actually gain motivation from my own self more easily now. It makes me do things with a purpose and a goal.

  • J is for Justice

We still demand justice in this country which unfortunately has not been realized by officials responsible regarding the matter. So many problems yet somehow, they don’t seem to care about finishing and/or listening to the demands of the public who wanted justice to come sooner. Even if they are indeed trying to solve things, they’re doing it recklessly with poor diplomacy and planning. Shame.

  • K is for Kerja Keras

From the Indonesian language literally translates to ‘hard work’. All of us, our family are currently working hard to achieve what we want to achieve. We are doing the best that we can do, perhaps until we reach our very last limit.

  • L is for Love

No, I’m not talking about the damn bullshit day. I just feel a lot of love centered around my environment while there’s also crisis in a more general context. But, well, love is still around.

  • M is for Major

I have been on the process of exploring my own abilities in order to decide my major in college. I have a very broad interest and I want to narrow it down a bit. I know what my choices are but, I am a very uncertain person sometimes and I want to make this very certain.

  • N is for Night Owl

Although, my parents hates it when I slept too late. I can’t help but, to be more and more of a night owl lately. I spend my time a lot in the middle of the night to read, write and study. Hope they don’t mind.

  • O is for Obligations

The obligations I have being a student has been increasing. My priority as a student is of course studying but, life planning in my opinion, is also required.

  • P is for Phone

I have been suffering from what seems like an eternal crisis. Phoneless. I tried to do more things to occupy my time (which is what I should do before too, btw). I became a bit more productive but, still I need a new phone to maximize my productivity as a human in a modern age lol.

  • Q is for Queen Elizabeth II

February 6 2017 marks the Queen’s Sapphire Jubilee. She’s the first to ever reach one! As a soft monarchist (see definition), I feel very happy to live during this historic moment!

  • R is for Realistic-Idealist

I live by the principal of being a realistic idealist and judging by my current life and things I might be dwelling in to for the past month towards the future, the words seems more and more relatable.

  • S is for Studying

Well, what more can I do to improve besides this and also praying?

  • T is for Twitter

I became an active user again and there’s that.

  • U is for yet again… 

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THEY ARE TOURING AGAIN SOON AND I WILL PROBABLY STILL BE FREAKING THE FUCK OUT FOR MONTHS.

Raincheck. Show Director Willie Williams getting ready to illuminate. #TheJoshuaTreeTour2017

A post shared by U2 Official (@u2) on

The Tree Songs … Adam

A post shared by U2 Official (@u2) on

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS. I CANNOT-

  •  V is for Very

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Very tired. Very excited. Very happy. Very disappointed. Very angry. Very determined. Very alive. Very dead. Very sad. Very still. Very hardly trying. Very demanding. Very patient. Very desperate. Very everything. Very very very very much.

  • W is for the World

What is happening? What is trending? Why am I not following. So much stuff mixed up at once. I can’t keep up and very scared???? Somehow??? Help.

  • X ….. I have no words for X
But here is Xenon: 
n. - A colorless odorless inert gaseous element occurring in the earth's atmosphere in trace amounts
  • Y is for You Know Who

Please just stop causing fights and arguments in this entire goddamn country. Stop causing such a catastrophic atmosphere in pretty much everything. There is no future here. I thought you knew better, I thought you could exercise your diplomatic specialty in such a proper manner. Well, you always show a good kind of image back in the old days. But, well, that was all for the public votes. I never chose you but, I once had hope. Now, even hoping seems kind of silly to even do. Don’t you realize that the majority of your people are displeased. I am not talking about the middle to high class society. You can’t determine the public mood by looking at them. You must look down. And down there, it is not very pleasing. Shameful. I wish things were a bit better. It is my country too after all. I have my fair share of nationalism but, all I feel is disappointment.

  • Z is for Zealots

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There are lots and lots of them here. They are all patterned with squares.

Kya’s Birthday Note 2017

 

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17. Still going. Still here.

For the people who know me best. I think they know how sentimental I can get and how I love expressing it through the form of writing. So, here it is..
Kya’s Birthday Note 2017.

I have established a new habit regarding my birthday. Instead of celebration, I use the occasion for contemplation, gratitude and evaluation. Why? Because in truth for me, it has no particular significance. Maybe it has for some people and that’s aye okay. I will be evaluating my life for the past year. I did this for the first time last year on my 16th birthday and I look back for 15 years. Now, I look back on one. I hope to continue doing this on my birthday. This year though, I’ll receive my first ID card and for me, that’s a kind of milestone and I’ve been bragging about it for as long as my family can remember.

I’ve came home from Philippines and it has been okay. Not good, not bad. It has been normal and I have absorbed a lot in such a fairly short time. Almost a year only and it left a mark in my heart. I experienced a lot of “firsts” there. Do I miss the country? heck yeah.

As far as growth, I grew very little in height, change very little in appearance and religiously happy. Religious growth is something I have been trying to work on. Thankfully, it’s been good. Generally, I think I have experienced, learned, discovered, overjoyed, angered, worried and unbothered by a lot of things. Still progressing.

The people around me are very diverse in their background and I’m thankful. I get to observe quickly and pick up knowledge right there and then. I have been independently educated as of late and I like it very much. I worry less about the school environment, which in my own opinion is mentally unhappy and unhealthy. It helps to get out of there and enjoy the world of education on my own. Regular school is okay but, I have enough of that, thank you very much. For those who are skeptical of homeschooling, honestly, it is liberating.

I have also discovered a lot of people that I have to continue to coexist with even though I have very limited impression on them. Especially after all the things happening in this fairly okay country. But, that’s okay. Coexisting, remember?

I have always think about my future and it has gotten intense lately. Pressure from the outside prompted me to shut my doors to the point that I don’t even have doubts on only listening to two people and those are my parents. As it should be. My main focus is college for now. I have targets and I am doing my best but, the end result is up to God. I keep praying alongside everything. Truthfully, I don’t mind any results. It is what it is.

So, to sum up, I’m kind of in a place where I’m quite fairly happy. Not too much, not too little. Just fair. I’m transitioning in a way. I think we always do somehow.

Lastly, I have a series of thank yous to express so, here we go.
All praises be given to Allah SWT and His Prophet.
To mum for the best of friend, refuge, comfort and advice. To dad for patience, guidance and awful dad jokes (remember that we always laugh at you and not with you lol jk). To my brothers for arguments, wrestles, sibling inside jokes and all the Star Wars and Game of Thrones marathon. To Oma, for literally everything. To Eyang Kung & Eyang Ti for stories, sleep overs, snacks, affections and laugh. To all of my family for life, adventures and smiles. To Tiur & Uta for being my little sources of joy in the neighbourhood and for waking my inner childlike happiness. To tante Nadia  for traktiran-traktiran pas di Makati dan fangirling ga jelas wkwk.
To A from Chile, for friendship, love and everything in between. To K from New Zealand, for the colourful world of yours, skype calls, roleplays and dank memes. To MC, my big sister in Tennessee for beliefs, trust and faith in God. To P from France, for lessons and good times in the past. To KR from middle school, thanks for staying in touch. To all in the Royal Fandom for all the royally good time. To all in the U2 fandom, you and I are rock n roll. To the amazing people I befriended online, for friendship beyond borders. To my heroes: L, B, A & E for September 25 1976, music, new friends and happiness.

To all of you who read this and everybody that I have the pleasure to know in life. Thank you. Just thank you. I can say that I am very happy today.
God bless.

Dysfunctional: An Ode to Disappointment

 

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What was thought to be normal. In fact, dysfunctional. (Photography by: Gabriel Isak)

Sometimes

What you thought was right

What you thought was an ideal way

What you thought as a solution

Went unnoticed

Even ignored

 

All they see is how you

Struggle to make it right

Struggle to please everyone

And sadly,

They seem to think

That everything you do is a fail

 

You took a step

In each one

You planted hope

You put on faith

You made it your armour

And still,

Not enough

 

You would have to climb

The top of a horrid

Materialistic pyramid

In order to fulfill expectations

Set impossibly high

Based on standards that apply

To those who only seek

Fortune in a world

That is full of lies

That is full of false promises

 

You would have to fit

In the mainstream idea

of a complete success

Full of glimmering delight

That only last

Until your last breath

 

Idealistic thoughts

Seems to be a sin

While solely realistic perspective

Seems to be the only perfect way

But, what if realistic

Is not the answer?

What if those that seems real

Is the trap we fear?

 

We only need a little

of their trust

A little patience

A little encouragement

Not instead,

Frontally belittled

 

The initial impression

of love and compassion

Turns out to be a mask

Full of distrust and betrayal

Sparking an anger within

A rage waiting to be unleashed

 

What was thought to be normal

In fact, dysfunctional


All poems by me are very open to your own interpretation. I, of course, have my own.
Written on 1 January 2017. 22:09 PM, with anger.