Kya’s Birthday Note 2018

Some might say that this is my coming of age period. They’re not wrong. It is. Today I celebrate my 18th year of living. As usual, to mark the occasion, I wrote my annual birthday note. What’s a birthday note? It’s where I look back and evaluate myself for the past year. Really sort of think through about what has happened, how I feel and so on.

For my 17th year I think my main focus is trying to come to terms with the fact that I cannot be the reckless, laid back, lazy teen anymore. I need to brace myself up for the real world, as I should be. I guess 18th birthday sort of symbolizes loss and growth. What loss? Losing my innocence to dive into a whole new experience, I guess, just to put it simply (did I vaguely referenced U2? Maybe). I just think it’s interesting, the whole coming of age thing. People, including myself, made a big deal out of it. Partly, I think because they don’t wanna lose their innocence completely, and they’re right to feel that way. It’s the thing that we hold on to the most. It is our core. It is who we are.

Life could change us into someone we might not expect we could be. We might lose ourselves along the way, we might forget who we are, we might not even remember who we were before we became this version of ourselves. I think that’s quite unfortunate. Life goes on but, you are you and that’s what you need to be.

For the past year I have also experienced some major anxieties and nervous breakdowns, I guess. I’ve learned things about myself I never knew was there. I’ve learned that existential crisis exist and I might actually had one, as dramatic as that sounds. I’m not being edgy, I genuinely think at some point on my 17th year, I questioned everything I do on this Earth. What’s the purpose? Why do I even try? Is it worth it? It was quite a revelation, the things that came up in my mind. It opened up some new perspective though so, I guess that’s cool.

I also remember a particular personal night where I just know I’m scared and perhaps nervous of facing the reality of my life. I cried. I almost dropped everything I have ever dreamed of because I didn’t dare to risk the possibility of failing. I got slapped hard that night. I was never a quitter and yet in that moment, just a tiny fraction of moment, I felt myself slipping through the cracks because I had been trying to process everything I know about myself. Apparently, I can break. And when I broke, I could do things on impulse in hopes to get it over with. It’s a damning thing, as I learned later on. I found that out about myself and I spent about two days thinking about it. “You really are capable of ruining your life!” was all that echoed in my head.

I’m scared of failure, that’s what I learned. I’m really awfully scared of not being successful. I’m horrified to death that I would ruin my life. I spent a great amount of time just thinking and trying to be okay with myself. I could hate myself so much. I could really well do that and it can be very destructive as I have learned. I know that I have abilities and potential but, I’m so affected by what people around me are telling me to do that sometimes I doubt myself and think why do I even bother anyway? Cause sometimes they make me feel like I’m not good enough and I really hate that.

On a more lighter note, I still love old dudes in bands or old dudes who are actors. My parents probably have had enough of my shit so they just let me be, lol. I’m still pretty much melodramatic-hyperbolic-emotional. I’m still the same Kya who gets really sensitive over things. I’m still the same Kya who would rather sleep than taking some effort to go out. And I still have what people would consider as an odd taste in music? At least the people around me thought so. I don’t really think of it that way but, well.

I also got to experience meeting with people who have the same passion and love for one thing just like mine. I had the pleasure to get together with the U2 Indonesia Community and got my first taste of having absolute fun with people who can be very different than myself. It was spectacular. I love it so much. I wish to do it again. It’s one of the things I love in life. Just to surround myself with people who can really connect to me in ways I never thought I would.

I’ve learned a lot about life, love, and everything in between. I’ve learned a lot about struggle, hardship, obstacles and all those stuff. My family has been very strong and I’m so proud. We got some challenges but, we got through it despite what people say about us, which I know they think that we don’t know but, we know very well what has been said. I am the kind of person who get so worked up over things like this so sometimes I can get pretty angry but, my parents are always very loving so they would make sure everything’s okay. They’re fucking awesome, not gonna lie.

I would like to keep this year’s note a bit short because a lot of the things I have experienced, I would like to keep it personal. Quite surprising coming from myself who can be very open. But, I guess to close a little won’t do any harm.

I’m just very thankful for all the people in my life who made this silly little self feels like her life is worth living. Thank you for being a part of my life. I’m very grateful.

Happy birthday, me!

“She felt very young; at the same time unspeakably aged.” -Virginia Woolf.

I’ve also made a birthday playlist! Check it out!


How My Parents Became My Best Friends

How My Parents Became My Best Friends

Some people might see their parents as figures of authority, repression, obedience or even a barrier. But, I see them in a very different way. I realised this quite recently. I think I was about 15 (which is like 2 years ago lol) when I started to think about what my life is and what role does my parents have in it. What is it that made them so full of impact? Are we close or not? Is what we have enough?

I didn’t find the answer quite quickly because I tend to think a lot. I didn’t simplify it, I analyze it and trace it. In the end, it all comes down to one thing. I see them both as indeed a figure of authority that I realised on my own, I need badly and unsurprisingly my best friends. In every sense of the word. Why? Some people may not achieve this kind of relationship with their folks due to one thing or another. Maybe it’s best for them that way or they are struggling to want to get there or just simply gave up on it. But, I am quite grateful that the relationship I have with my mum and dad are close enough for me to feel comfortable to talk about anything and everything. Literally.

I remember once I went to a friend’s birthday party with a bunch of my other friends. We get there by a car which one of my friends drove. And while we drove there, one of my girl friends brought a vapor. So, naturally I get curious cause I have seen this thing everywhere! I didn’t know what it is, what does it do and why is it such a hype (I have to say, that last point is still a question to me). I asked her and she of course explain to me what it is and how does it work. She showed me and well, next thing I know, I was vaping in a car and I remember it was Root Beer flavoured. It tastes quite interesting. Although, I have to say after trying it, it’s kind of underwhelming. I didn’t find anything special in it, only that the root beer flavour tastes really sweet.

That’s not all, after that we arrived. My boy friends, almost all of them smoked now. Like, cigarette smoking. So, that was news to me. And I also found out that the same friend who got me into trying to vape also smoke real as shit cigarette so that was news to me as well. I watched them and my mind began to wonder: Right, so my dad smokes and I see him quite a lot doing his thing. I have only smelled the annoying smoke that came out of his mouth but, never really know how does it feel to actually do the smoking. I have never been curious about cigarettes, I say that honestly. Because to be honest, although I kinda tolerate my dad for smoking (even though I’m worried about his health because for me a cigarette is a ticking time bomb), I hate the annoying shitty smell of it. I cannot fucking breathe around it. So, no. Cigarettes never appeal to me.

But, something struck a chord to me that night and after the party was almost over and we were about to get in the car to go back home. My friend pulled out one more cig and smoke before we get in. I brace myself up and went up to her, “Hey uh, can I try one of those?” I asked her and she just looked at me like, “You’re fucking kidding me? You’re serious? You wanna try a cig? Kya? You?” She just looked at me. And I was like, “Yeah, sure. I’ve seen my dad smoke. It’s just a cig. Never tried one. I’m curious.” I explained to her. She was like. “Aight, okay.” Shrug it off and gave one to me. So, I took it. She lit it up. I looked at it like this is a life and death situation because I know very well that my parents are against it. But, then I shook that thought off and inhale the shit. I tasted it and exhale and quickly gave it back to my friend who then chuckled at me. I looked at her and was like, “That shit stinks. I hate that shit. Why would you inhale fucking smokes?!” She just shook her head and continued smoking.

At the time, my way of thinking was “well, I might as well try this shit now or I will be curious for the rest of my life and that ain’t satisfactory.” Which, I have to say, although it makes a kind of sense at the time because I was fueled with raging teenager curiosity hormone, it’s actually a double edged sword and can’t be implemented in every situation. I realised how weak that argument is if I ever have to defend my actions that night.  I then mentally vowed to never smoke again cause of the sheer bleghh feeling of it.

Anyway, do you know what was my first thought after doing all of those shit I wasn’t supposed to be doing?

The first thing that came to my mind was: I gotta tell my parents about the experience tonight! They have to know I tried vaping and smoking!

I did the things I know were kind of troubling. And I know for a fact that perhaps my parents are worried that someday one (if not all) of their kids would smoke because that shit is not good at all. But, here I am having committed the damn felony and my first thoughts were, they have to know!

That must got you thinking. I must be really close to them? The answer is yes, at least in my part. I am that close to them that I figured trying a cigarette and vaping are some major life experiences that I don’t want them to be left out of. I trust them so much that I felt like I just can’t keep this to myself and lie my way out. No. This shit is big and they have to know! I never hide stuff from my parents. I always tell them things about myself and/or my life to them. Because I just feel like it’s the right thing to do. Not because they made it obligatory for me to tell them. Oh and by the way I did tell them and they were concerned but, here’s the thing. They didn’t went bat shit crazy and got mad at me. I think (I may be wrong though), they sort of looked at it from a curious teen perspective. After all, they were teens too. Maybe they understand why I decided to do that. So, they tried to give me an understanding on why it’s bad and destructive. But, honestly, they don’t need to worry. I promise them that I wouldn’t do it again. I know the consequences and I don’t wanna risk my health.

It’s not just that. When I have a crush or a romantic feeling for someone or an attraction or whatever, I tell them too and some times laugh with them about it. When I feel like I want to murder someone because I am so pissed, I would say it too. When there’s issues with the world and I have opinions, strong opinions on it, I would voice it and try to get their views as well and we would have lengthy discussions about it. When I am fan girling about my favourite band whose members are in their 50s and how I obsess over handsome actors who are mostly my parents’ age, I get them to freaking suffer with me through the undying thirst for grown men in movies. I let them went through everything with me, in fact, I invited them over to my doorstep.

The question is why do I have this level of trust? How did they do it?

I am not a parent, obviously. So, I really don’t know all of this parenting stuff. I don’t think I will ever know until I have my own children (i’m nervous about that even though it won’t happen soon but, still). But, from how I see it, they always speak from experience. I don’t know if this is accurate but, that’s how I feel at least. They also never enforce their role as a figure of authority in my life, the way I feel it. They make sure we (my siblings and I) know their position as parents and they make sure we treat them as such. Which I have no complains about because I do feel that’s how it’s supposed to be. But, they also know how to position themselves as us and as our friends and as someone who actually went through same shit and stages as we do. Rather than trashing that side of their lives completely, they kept it and use it as a reference when dealing with their kids. So, it’s much easier I guess for them to deal with us because they know, they have been there. The shit we do, they passed it. They went through it. They relate it to us and they imply that element in their ways of parenting.

I have a feeling that some parents trash their youth away. They enforce themselves as this no fun personalities. They forget how being young and reckless happened in life. They force, they dictate and I think that’s kinda fucked up. Because, in most cases I think it drove their children away. They can’t relate themselves, they can’t feel this mutual bonding and trust because there weren’t any in the first place. It’s always suspicions and judgments and constant “you’re wrong at this and that!” They never felt a safe space and again, I think that’s fucked up.

When I think of safe space and home. I don’t think of a place or a thing. I think of feelings and people. And those feelings and people are my parents. I feel the most comfortable, the safest, the most open and the most home-y when they’re there. Because they didn’t just made or gave birth to me. They get to know me. That’s important. Most cases, parents don’t even know their own children. That’s sad. Really sad.

One thing worth noting also is that my mum treats me like her friend too in between her role as a mother. She would tell me stories that amused her, she would share with me her experiences. The funny ones, the agitating ones, the frustrating ones even the ones that made her cry and broken beyond beliefs. I think that sorta provide the sense of recognition and made me feel like there is mutual trust between us that we felt like it’s not right if we don’t share this particularly interesting things that happened on our day or on our trip somewhere or whatever to one another. It’s that sense of acceptance of one another and I guess a mother-daughter bond that easily made its way to also being a unique kind of friendship. It’s like we are girl friends from a totally different generation but somehow found a common ground to connect and it’s bloody great. Her and I, whether she want to admit it or not I think has a lot of things in common. This year, I think, shit happens in our family that causes me to see a more emotional side of my mum and to be honest that made me realise that I might get my super emotional side from her. Because when she does that in front of me, when she pour her heart out to me, I see myself and how I do it, although sometimes privately on a piece of paper or a notebook. I just realise the fact that I might have loads of things in common with my mother more than I previously thought. It’s a moment of discovery, in a way.



My dad and I, personally I think, we both have our own bond as a father and daughter. I don’t think neither him and I are the type of person who express things quite so frontal, at least to one another. I think he knows that I love him despite the fact that I never really say it because I just feel like I don’t need to. I know him enough to believe that he knows that already. We bonded over things that are a subject of interests for the both of us. We talked about loads of stuff from general knowledge to history to royalty (which I am completely obsessed about) to experiences even as far as his high school shenanigans which sometimes got me baffled but, like, in a hilarious way. Sometimes I brought out my opinions on stuff to him and see what his thoughts are on the matter because I am genuinely interested. We are very alike in terms of appearance, a million people has told us that which I find quite irritating as time goes on because like, dude I know I look like my dad cause I’m his hecking daughter, geez. But, I really can’t blame people cause the resemblance is uncanny. But, appearance aside, I do also think that we have similar traits as well whether we realise it or want to admit it or not. Like, I think the way we are as critics on some stuff we deem unsuitable. The way we express it can be eerily similar sometimes. I dunno if he notice but, at some point I did. Heck, it’s in the genes.


I think I can speak for my siblings when I say that we are close to our mum and dad. In a sense that we share things to one another and we felt comfortable with each other and within each other’s presence. I think that’s part of what makes them our best friends or at least mine. I just feel like, not only that I am allowed to live on their house, their property but, I am also included in their lives and I think that’s great. I don’t just exist. They acknowledged and get to know me and try to understand me. Sometimes, I can be difficult but, I think it’s just a phase. So, I hope they have patience because I can be quite a handful.

There are times I think that my brothers and I forget our place as children of these two people. The thing about my parents is that they became our friends, align themselves to us but, does not let us forget who they are and why they are here. What they are in our lives and where their place is. They taught us how to respect them as the authority we need and how to treat them as parents. They became our friends but, never let us forget who they are in the first place. So we don’t cross the line. It’s cool how they balance that out and how? I don’t have a clue.

My parents’ way of parenting is something I am grateful about because I’ve never felt that they are a barrier in my life. I’ve never felt that they are restraining me from the things I am passionate about. Sometimes they projected me to do certain stuff but, I get their thinking even though I rebelled against it, in some ways. But, they always support me in my ambitions, what I aspire to do and what I set my mind in. Sometimes, I get that point in the middle of the bridge where I am crossing to get to my goal, that rocky point where things seemed to be uncertain for me and somehow they have this magic power to get everything done and made me feel at ease again. How? I don’t have a freaking clue.

I think if I can reduce the meaning of their presence in my life in to a simplicity of a sentence, I have to say that they are my home and my best freaking friends.

I have no idea why I decided to write this 2000+ words of a blog post emotionally throwing up sentimental stuff about my parents but, I did it and here it is. It’s kind of a proof of how open and expressive I am with things.

I hope you guys feel as amazing as I am and incredibly blessed to have such parents.

Keep living your best life.


Welcoming Eid!

Welcoming Eid!

Well, it’s almost the end of Ramadan! Which is bittersweet for most of us Muslims. The month truly is something else. But, that’s a different topic.

This is the second to last day of fasting during the Ramadan (Friday) which means, Sunday is Eid! Our holiday and celebration! It’s kinda like Christmas (it’s actually different but, in terms of celebrating, I guess the analogy could work. I just really don’t have time to explain).

On the day of Eid, we have our breakfast first because it is obligatory then we prepped up to go to the Masjid to perform Eid prayers. After that, my family usually got together (my grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousin) in my paternal grandparents’ house. We spend some time there (doing the traditional Indonesian ‘ceremony’ of sungkeman & have a feast) before heading back home to welcome guests from my mother’s side of the family because my maternal grandmother is now the oldest elderly person in the family. Oh, yeah, that’s another tradition in Indonesia. You get together in the house of the eldest person in your family (grandparents usually). We have another feast in my house for those bunch of fams.

The fam during Eid last year (dad took the pic)

Then, there’s the food. My oh my, THE FOOD. It’s honestly the best thing besides socializing (gosh do we have enouuuughhh of that already in our livesss). My family has this tradition of making a traditional Manadonese/Sulawesi cake called Brudel. I love that cake so much man you have no idea. For me, Eid is not complete without that cake. Sure, Indonesians have this tradition of making Eid cookies and yeah they’re great too (I can single-handedly eat 20 of those) but, nothing beats Brudel. Nope, nada.

Usually, the first day of Eid ends with us feeling full because imagine getting used to fasting for a month then BOOM! All you can eat! We would also visit some relatives and went to the cemetery to visit my maternal grandfather’s grave sometime between the third to fifth day of the holiday because of tradition and why the heck not. I never met my maternal grandpa when he was alive cause he died before I was born so the only place I can ‘meet’ grandpa is at the cemetery. Sounds spooky but, I can feel his presence there whenever we visit.

Anyways, I’m writing this because I am just so excited about Eid. It is our celebration and Muslims all over the world celebrated on the same day! (or not because you know, timezonesss).

I hope you all have a blessed Eid, spend some proper time with your family and just soak up all the positive that’s gonna come your way.

Life’s too short. This year might be your last Ramadan.

Love always,


March and April Life Updates: Major Things!

March and April Life Updates: Major Things!

I know, I know.. I haven’t posted my March recap in the form of A to Z. But, to be fair, I have been quite busy. So, I’m here to post an entry or recap of what happened in March and why am I so busy in April, I can’t even manage to post on my own goddamn blog (which, let’s be real, no one read this anyway).

My March recap consists of my mum’s birthday which was on March 24th. She hasn’t aged too much, to be honest with you. That’s amazing. Then comes Depeche Mode. March really marks the month I totally devout myself to dive into their discography. My friend, Kelli helped me by sending their entire albums to my Google Drive. This is one of those times I feel really blessed to be in a time where technology allows us to do that. Imagine if I have to buy every single album on CD now!? Crazy. My current favourites as of now are People Are People and Walking in My Shoes.

I also met up with my friends from middle school and it was super awesome!!! We hung out, we talked, we discuss our future and reminisce a little about the past. It’s fascinating to grow up surrounded by your closest friends. They are changing yet not changing at the same time. It wasn’t the complete formation of our so called gang but, it makes me happy nevertheless. To see familiar faces who went through struggles in middle school together. Who knew us very well.

Photobooth fun with the gang!

Not long after that, I met up with my all time favourite fangirling partner, Syifa Husna! We hung out and gossip like proper fangirls do. We share life updates and talk about our obsession in such a passionate way. We don’t even idolise the same people! She loves K-Pop, I’m all about U2. But, what I love is the fact that both of us just listened to each other and understood the feeling even though we are complete opposites! Friendships are weird sometimes. I love it.

Then, March also marked the lead up to my busy life with the German language. It was a bit of an anxiety, leading up to April. Because I didn’t know whether I would get through with this German thing (I will tell you a bit more about it later on in this post, stay tune). I kept asking myself and my parents about the possibility of the German thing really happening. Then, of course… we got the answer by the end of the month.

Some historic thing happened in March too. The official triggering of Article 50 for Brexit happened on the 29th. Needless to say, the world was shook af, mate. A lot of people still can’t believe that Brexit is really happening. Mostly Europeans but, I kinda feel that way too, to be honest, and I don’t even know why, ha.

Of course, came April. Everything seems very clear in April. I start my German language course. Why? because I can very well do so, bitches.  No, I mean, I may have a plan on going to Germany for college. Oh yep, my dream to get out of Asia seems like it’s gonna happen, yanno, no biggie. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Shut the hell up! Of course, it’s a big deal for me!

I still wanna make it a bit low-key though. I don’t wanna go all hyped up about it even though I am super excited. I have always dreamed of changing my life drastically, to go away and see places, to get out of this continent and move to somewhere really different. I use to dream of going to England (who doesn’t tbh?). But, for the last year I just feel like it’s unrealistic and being the ambitious and determined person I am, I just have to get what I want, so I searched for ways and I kept searching for alternatives. The point is: I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE. It’s not even in a bad way, I just hate to stay the same. I want to change and I want it drastic. I want it to happen in ways I never thought I would imagine. And yep, God seems to be on my side and hear what I wished so, here I am. Never thought of Germany, ended up on queue to go there.

If you think this is something that I feel comfortable to do, you are wrong. I do this because it is uncomfortable. Why are you doing these things? You ask. Simple. I laid out all my answers above. Because comfort is dangerous. In my own philosophy, if you get too comfortable, you won’t dare to try, get out and discover endless possibilities life has to offer. I am very ‘rich’ here. I am rich in terms of how I have everything here with me. I have my family, I have my friends, I have people I can easily call upon and I just can do everything without having to bother the consequences (well, not necessarily as much).

Out there, alone, I have nothing but, myself. That kind of adventure is something I have been searching. People here might say that I might regret my decision of wanting to go independent so soon but, they miss the point. It’s good for the long term. I think it’s better for me to experience bitterness so early on then just living my life with nothing but sweetness. Then got caught up in this very unrealistic expectations on what life should be and could not be prepared.

Maybe, I am being dramatic or whatever. But, I have set some standards on how to live my life. I don’t want to stay in one place all my life. I want to get out and explore. I have stayed here in Indonesia for more than a decade and I am so bored. I love being an Indonesian, don’t get me wrong. But, I feel really tired and really bored of life. For me, I need a drastic change. Sure, it’s for college. I might get stressed out along the way. But, at least I did something! I took a leap of faith and just get on with it!

All these sounds so promising. I still have the anxiety inside me about things going absolutely wrong. But, prayers, man do prayers work. It really works for me. I don’t care if people think it’s stupid to pray. The power of prayers is just astonishing in my eyes. I just hope things go smoothly and I can go out of here peacefully. Hopefully, make myself and the people around me happy.

So, that is what’s been going on in my life and it will continue to get even busier. Especially with German! I am happy even though the German language grammar is a bit of a pain in the ass but, hey I am still at the earliest level.

So much is waiting for me.

So much.




I had this on my notebook for a while now. This has been rewritten for countless of times. I hope it’s good enough.

This is about my undying love for a woman

Even though I might have broke her heart

I might have crushed them

I might have caused distraught

I hope I’m not much of an awful human being



Because I sincerely love her

I wrote this with heart and mind poured entirely

I am not the best thing to ever happen to anyone

But, I am glad that I happen to her

I am glad that I was destined to arrive on her hands




I am a being

Full of imperfections

But, you shaped and carved me

I don’t know why you were so determined

While you could have give up any moment

I guess that’s what made you special



This little flesh who grew into a living person

A very difficult one, that is

Has been blessed by your touch

Blessed by your care

And, my God will I ever be able to return it?

I don’t think there will come a day where

I can repay every single thing



Don’t give up on me

Don’t ever think you’re not good enough

When I cause mischief

You gave all you have, I’m just too stubborn



Sometimes being a perfect mother

Can be a little lonely

It seems like everyone around you

Turn their backs against you

While you and you alone knows best

About your own flesh



They try to stir you around

But, you refused

The amount of resistance you gave

When they try to change

Souls you have protected for years

Astonishing in my eyes



One day they will see

The things you fought relentlessly

Blossomed into something so perfectly

Their words meaningless entirely



I aspire to turn out being the woman you are

When my time has come

I know I’ll be clueless

But, I know that you’ll help me

So stay with me

We have a beautiful future ahead


A bond that no one

No one but, us shared

We are the only ones who understand

They try but, it’s not the same

Happy Birthday, Bunda. 

Kya’s A to Z: February

Continuing my newly founded blog post series. As I wrote it with Lorde followed by Lana del Rey singing in the background and occasionally checking Tumblr. Here it goes, the February edition of my A to Z!

  • A is for Aiming High

You all know that in this day and age, everything is possible. That’s why for the past month, I have been setting the bar high and aim for the highest possible thing I can achieve in pretty much anything. The process may not be fast enough for my liking but, time works in mysterious ways (no U2 pun intended).

  • B is for Birthday

Of course, February 2nd marks a particular day in my life. I became legal this year, according to Indonesian law. Still a kid tho. Still a kid. Pretty much still a kid.

  • C is for Chopped-off Hair

I cut my hair real short because I just feel like it but also, head over to letter ‘H’. I got my hairspiration from one of my friends online.

  • D is for Dreams

A sentence got stuck with me while I was on the road with my parents on a one fine day. We were in the car, talking about my future and all the likes. I expressed my concern regarding the matter and suddenly the sentence popped, “You’re allowed to dream as high as you can and make that happen.” Dad said that with a nod from mum. He’s got a point.

  • E is for Education

This month, for me seems to circle around the world of education. Not only because my brothers are gonna face the national examination which caused me to act as a proper sister by teaching them but, also because I need to start preparing for my own plans. Very nervewrecking.

  • F is for Facebook

I spend more and more time on it, somehow. Posted more there too. Chatted with one particular important person almost everyday when I can.

  • G is for Germany

The city of Mainz. That’s all I’m gonna say for now.

  • H is for Hair Loss

I’ve been suffering from a severe hair loss. It has not stopped. I don’t know when will it stop or how. Am I stressing out?

  • I is for Internal Motivation

Thank God, I actually gain motivation from my own self more easily now. It makes me do things with a purpose and a goal.

  • J is for Justice

We still demand justice in this country which unfortunately has not been realized by officials responsible regarding the matter. So many problems yet somehow, they don’t seem to care about finishing and/or listening to the demands of the public who wanted justice to come sooner. Even if they are indeed trying to solve things, they’re doing it recklessly with poor diplomacy and planning. Shame.

  • K is for Kerja Keras

From the Indonesian language literally translates to ‘hard work’. All of us, our family are currently working hard to achieve what we want to achieve. We are doing the best that we can do, perhaps until we reach our very last limit.

  • L is for Love

No, I’m not talking about the damn bullshit day. I just feel a lot of love centered around my environment while there’s also crisis in a more general context. But, well, love is still around.

  • M is for Major

I have been on the process of exploring my own abilities in order to decide my major in college. I have a very broad interest and I want to narrow it down a bit. I know what my choices are but, I am a very uncertain person sometimes and I want to make this very certain.

  • N is for Night Owl

Although, my parents hates it when I slept too late. I can’t help but, to be more and more of a night owl lately. I spend my time a lot in the middle of the night to read, write and study. Hope they don’t mind.

  • O is for Obligations

The obligations I have being a student has been increasing. My priority as a student is of course studying but, life planning in my opinion, is also required.

  • P is for Phone

I have been suffering from what seems like an eternal crisis. Phoneless. I tried to do more things to occupy my time (which is what I should do before too, btw). I became a bit more productive but, still I need a new phone to maximize my productivity as a human in a modern age lol.

  • Q is for Queen Elizabeth II

February 6 2017 marks the Queen’s Sapphire Jubilee. She’s the first to ever reach one! As a soft monarchist (see definition), I feel very happy to live during this historic moment!

  • R is for Realistic-Idealist

I live by the principal of being a realistic idealist and judging by my current life and things I might be dwelling in to for the past month towards the future, the words seems more and more relatable.

  • S is for Studying

Well, what more can I do to improve besides this and also praying?

  • T is for Twitter

I became an active user again and there’s that.

  • U is for yet again… 



The Tree Songs … Adam

A post shared by U2 Official (@u2) on


  •  V is for Very


Very tired. Very excited. Very happy. Very disappointed. Very angry. Very determined. Very alive. Very dead. Very sad. Very still. Very hardly trying. Very demanding. Very patient. Very desperate. Very everything. Very very very very much.

  • W is for the World

What is happening? What is trending? Why am I not following. So much stuff mixed up at once. I can’t keep up and very scared???? Somehow??? Help.

  • X ….. I have no words for X
But here is Xenon: 
n. - A colorless odorless inert gaseous element occurring in the earth's atmosphere in trace amounts
  • Y is for You Know Who

Please just stop causing fights and arguments in this entire goddamn country. Stop causing such a catastrophic atmosphere in pretty much everything. There is no future here. I thought you knew better, I thought you could exercise your diplomatic specialty in such a proper manner. Well, you always show a good kind of image back in the old days. But, well, that was all for the public votes. I never chose you but, I once had hope. Now, even hoping seems kind of silly to even do. Don’t you realize that the majority of your people are displeased. I am not talking about the middle to high class society. You can’t determine the public mood by looking at them. You must look down. And down there, it is not very pleasing. Shameful. I wish things were a bit better. It is my country too after all. I have my fair share of nationalism but, all I feel is disappointment.

  • Z is for Zealots


There are lots and lots of them here. They are all patterned with squares.