You know that feeling when you just worked your ass off on something and you deserve a little break?
I have been working hard lately. Mainly studying. I am preparing myself for what’s ahead which is exams and all kinds of shit that follows it. I am still in grade 11, I got a whole year until I graduate high school and enter university. But, the efforts shall be made now.
I am still sort of floating all over the place on where should I continue my next step and what to do with all of that. Here in Indonesia or out of here and go somewhere else? Who knows, to be honest. I just do everything that seems possible. Again, who knows what will happen. We can’t really know what’s ahead of us so, why not try everything? Realistically I can say that I might not be able to do too much of something but, idealistically I have the plans set out for what I consider to be a better future out of this place.
But, anyways last night (24/02/2017) I walked home from my course. We studied history, Japan’s time in Indonesia, specifically towards the end of World War II. How the founding fathers of my nation and the youth collaborate on the efforts for our nations’s independence. To be honest with you, the Japan chapter isn’t really my favourite and I don’t really like reading about it. It’s one of my least favourite chapter in my nation’s history. I don’t know exactly why. Although, the process of how the youth encourage President Soekarno to declare our independence seems fascinating in my eyes.
Okay then, I walked home. I kept thinking about the few amount of money I have in my wallet, which is Rp. 5000 and I just kept walking until I finally entered the housing complex street and walked straight until I see the shops lining up towards the main entrance of the housing complex. I looked left to the mini market and debate whether or not I should buy something with the few amount of money I have. Because, I honestly I have been wanting to buy myself a treat for awhile. So, you guessed it, I did. I went in, went straight to the soft drinks section and inspect the prices of each items carefully. Considering, well, I basically don’t have much. I laid my eyes on a bottle of Pepsi (shameful, I know. Should have been a Coke but, it was Rp. 6000, can’t afford!) and decided to pick that up. It costed me Rp. 3500. I paid for it and receive a change of Rp. 1500. I felt good afterwards, I walked home and decided to take a rest from everything and drink my Pepsi. Treating myself to a blue bottled soda and skip off re-reading my books. Skip off studying entirely. I deserve this, I thought. I have been studying day and night (mostly at night. Dad actually doesn’t like it when I stay up too late but, well… I study better in those hours!) and I thought I deserve a little treat.
I think about how I also pushed myself, sometimes. To the point that I overthink stuff too. The other day I complained to my trustee great friend, AB while I chat with him on Facebook and told him I had a headache from my constant studying. He said I should get some rest and I basically kind of reject it, actually. My bad. Shouldn’t have done that cause he was right. I thought about how, treats for yourself are actually efficient in lifting your mood and it actually helps you through the studying hell hole.
I have never actually been too much of a studying person but, the pressure of wanting a quality education in university kind of pushed me someway. Especially since I receive a lot of input about how I should ‘study harder‘, ‘work more‘, ‘don’t play around too much‘ and all those crap. It came from several people and being the person who is easily infected as I am, I let it went through my head a little too far and felt a little down. So, I initiate it by overly pushing and telling myself that if I don’t push to do a lot, then I will fail horribly. Bad, very bad for the brain. You should note to not do that. Would lose all of your motivation in seconds, apparently.
So, what is the connection between that and the story of how I buy a bottle of Pepsi? Nothing. I just stared at that bottle last night and thought about writing rambles on my blog. In fact, this whole post seems to have no point. I just like to ramble. Ha. Classic me.